Their logic goes like this: The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissists. The whole game is based around you being dependent on them, rather than realising that its actually the other way around. It totally broke me. The answer depends on three factors, and it also depends on the type of narcissist the person is. If theres no kids involved consider yourself blessed.Shit I have kids so its gone be a very long as road.Also,we not having sex or anything so Im sure theres a new supply.Moreover;Hes nonchalant an in I dont care mode.I have am open dss case and Im finson to have to cut babydad loose he has substance abuse issues.An a convert narcissist! As with most narcissistic behaviours, the litmus test you can apply in pinpointing the difference between No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting, is intention. The feelings of hurt and loss are normal after being discarded by a narcissist. They avoid spending time with you, especially in public. It might even appear to be a reconciliation between the two of you. One is to prevent harm, the other is to cause harm. So now my punishment is the silent treatment and my parents cant see their grandchildren. Inevitably when you make the decision to go No Contact, the narcissist will launch a smear campaign. I called them out and I got rather nasty. The narc was on my life for 12 years. Top editors give you the stories you want delivered right to your inbox each weekday. Instead, they highlight how they were the victim and how youll fail in every subsequent relationship. Here are some common types and how they react after they have discarded someone. Improve your emotional wellbeing whenever and wherever you want. Romantic narcissists may even plan a wedding with you and encourage you to start thinking of names for your children. The reason we do not leave straight away is love. I hope to have a man that actually Listens, Cares, & isnt calculating the next scheme! Time will help us all. He will never stop cheating and lying. During the break-up, he said to me, ever since you started standing up to your mum, you changed. Yes we are loving people, that is why narcs stay. Unfortunately, that strategy will never work. Using the Quanta Freedom Healing technique is the only way that Ive personally been able to find each trauma hidden deep within my body and to shift them out. It doesnt seem like he wants to come back but Im afraid if he tries to that I will cave. for more on trauma bonds). Typically, a narcissist will not care if you ignore them after they discarded you, because they have moved on to new prey. . They are like hamburgers or tissues. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Seeing Through the Narcissist's Mask Ascending to a Higher Vibration. YOU DID IT !!! You did nothing wrong! Or that this is all your fault. There are though many wonderful channels out there on the topic. Assuming the narcissist is actually done with you, the narcissist discard phase can be a blessing in disguise. That is my body telling me,(please do not put me through this again) My healing is going well, my sleep is getting better, my concentration is getting back. Two common ones are: One man told me that he lost interest immediately after sex. The discard phase will be a drawn-out process where youre made to feel worthless and undeserving of any of the things you shared. The reason they do not give you an explanation is that they do not care about your feelings. If a narcissist isnt trying to manipulate and get something from you, then they will not bother wasting their energy pretending and keeping up with false pretences. She dragged me into it and threw her rage at me! They want to be the most important person in the room, or at least accepted by the most important . Im sorry for what you have experienced gorgeous one. Stop focusing on their who, what,where,why,hows etc. Still in the hoovering phase, but no use. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: As one narcissistic client told me: People are very interchangeable for me. So sorry youve found yourself here as theres only one reason you would be reading up and seeking answers to all those questions. "A narcissistic personality is someone who needs to feel better than other people. I totally get it, they will never offer you any apologies or closure. They will never ever be happy inside so let them worry about fixing themselves. But your emotions mean nothing to them. Probably best you stay single since you struggle with gambling addiction and domestic violence. . To suck and drain ( like vampires ) the joy and happiness out everything they possibly can. It is natural to want an explanation for why you were devalued and discarded, but unfortunately, the narcissist is not likely to give you one. This leaves them feeling lonely and disconnected. The narcissist discard phase is so painful and confusing because it seems easy for the narcissist to toss you aside; they appear totally lacking in emotion. Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? In the next step, the narcissist severs any bonds that might remain. I had a plan to get settled, get help for gambling, get back on my own two feet and then help my teenage daughter who seems to be a mini me on steroids. Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this? In true narcissist form, it was never her fault. to help get him his own housing. I thought I was the only one that was going through that. The ball is in your court once they contact you. Smear campaigns can be utterly devastating and even serve to destroy peoples careers and reputations irreparably. Lets have a look at why the narcissist discards the people they so readily pretend to care about and how they do it. However, its not as easy as that. Youd think that after all of the toxic behaviour we experience at the hands of a narcissist, being discarded by them would be welcome. If you begin to build up some strength towards the narcissist over time, that does not bode well for their narrative. He never left. You must admire and worship me as a God., You must pour an unlimited supply of energy into my empty void., If you try and fight back, I will punish you.. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Im involved with a Narcissist,I found out that he was cheating,he in turn ran from the situation,wouldnt talk about it,then act as though I did something wrongwht do I do,up until the time he got caught he was totally different. She has tormented me for years and this was her final blow. Not likely, but they might if they want to gain something from it. The strength and courage required is mighty, and the depth of sadness one of real grief*. 5 ways to counteract the narcissists gaslighting. It was more of a stress and nightmare than good memories. The narcissistic discard can feel different for everyone who experiences it. They draw you in close, then when you least expect it, they abruptly withdraw. By this point, you are their biggest threat because youre onto them. Thanks a lot for this article. In some cases, they may not have entirely discarded you, and are just playing hot and cold, in which case ignoring them will likely lead them to attempt to "hoover" you back on to the relationship. Youll no doubt also be triggered every time you think about the injustices dealt at the narcissists hand. Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_1',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');After being miserable and firing all of their pain towards you, they now suddenly seem happier and have a bounce in their step. If they are getting their fill elsewhere from far better sources of narcissistic supply, they may leave you alone for a while. 4. His verbal abuse slowly intensified over the 19 yrs, until I had to call the police last yr. Hes a raging narc. This. Hes stonewalling me, us all really.. its crazy to watch an adult behave so manipulative & callous. As of yet his foolish wife has however not left his side although he is a serial cheater, he is a good father to their son and has a high earning job so I suppose thats why she still hasnt divorced him. The silent treatment can run from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. T. heyve grown bored of the relationship and you serve no further purpose. You can find support and understanding from those people, which will help you cope better during this difficult time in your life. Do narcissists come back after ghosting you? I never met such a hurtful evil person in my life. This includes all direct forms of communication with the narcissist. Narcissists devalue their partner as a short-term coping mechanism; their flaws feel less visible when theyre constantly reminding you of yours. They make you question your reality. You can now focus on yourself. Thats one of the ways that they use gaslighting. But not before trying to push his way past me again like before. They do not want anything or anyone to stand in their way. The cold cruelty is beyond understanding. The sad truth is, they hate seeing their previous victims; whom they believed they had totally destroyed, living their best lives. Moving into a more intimate phase of the relationship is painful for narcissists as it requires them to reveal their faults and accept that their idealized self is a false perception. I never stopped you from spending money, did I?, I didnt stop you from seeing your friends, did I?. Game over. Even though odds are that they are the ones who should be apologising, the feeling of being deleted from their world is so intense. Scared and excited for this next chapter in my life without him. This handy little magnifying glass shines the light on getting at the truth of most narcissistic situations when doubting yourself begins to creep in. How can we feed the narcissist and still see the kids without losing our minds? Boasting about a new relationship and how well their life is going with the intent of showing how little you meant to them. He blames my daughter and her boyfriend. But equally, 100% true. It really hurts. And so tonight I was looking and trying to really understand why everyone's story of the discard is so strong and so full of horror and shock. In the beginning, you thought this person was great and that youd have many awesome years ahead together. Recyclers tend to value familiarity. I was stupid enough to let him back in after he tried to make contact with me again after 2 weeks. I have had two and a half months of no contact, after a really nasty discard between Christmas/New Year 2018 & after 3 decades with the narc in my life and had gone back & forth about 6-7 times, as noted by some others. The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds (see Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? I need serious help. her and the poor new guy were in each others arms days laterpoor him. Once a person is depleted, they will ditch them without a backwards glance and move onto the next victim. Now I just have to stay strong which is so much easier when you are aware of what you are dealing with. This is the . Being discarded by a narcissist is not your fault and you should not blame yourself for what happened. Reclaim your freedom & joy and start your recovery journey now! Do you. Focus on You 3. If you continue to use this site we assume that you are happy with this. They target people who are vulnerable and have low self-esteem because they know that these people will be the easiest to control and manipulate. Now, remember, not everyone who ghosts you has a personality disorder. If you think you have been blocked in error, contact the owner of this site for assistance. pushing past me and now in my new apartment, he needed a couple of days for the V.A. Group 1: The Trophy Hunter. This is clearly desirable because in going to this place you assume the responsibility for any given issue, and the narcissist continues to avoid accountability for their actions and behaviours. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. This phase leaves the partner feeling worthless and confused, wondering what they could have done differently to salvage the relationship. The build-up to a discard can last weeks or even months as the narcissist preps you for the final phase. This is textbook, and also what I went through while I dont have proof that he was cheating enough. I was on to her immediately. I hope you find these answers helpful! Stay strong in your truth. Once I left my husband and moved out, his true colours really came through. Its utterly heartbreaking to then witness and feel the wrath of a completely different person coming at you, causing such intentional hurt and pain. Theyll never be able to hook you back in again. Whether theyve got a new BFF or soulmate, you can be sure everyone will know about it! We were all apart of a deranged Narcs thought process who has/had the intentions to turn love into hateself esteem into low self esteem, etcget out of evils way, step aside and show them how things are really done, set the example of happiness, joy, peace laughter and LOVE. The Narcissist discard phase is often the final phase in the relationship. It gets easier, I promise. Light & love to you. Ghost them and go NC. as discard begun, she kept of saying that we were incompatible. Particularly when it comes to worrying that you are the narcissist, rather than the victim of one (check out How you know youre not the Narcissist for more detail on dispelling any fears on this front). Your pain is real and you have a right to experience your feelings. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. If he has that protection order, dont contact him. You may still be highly triggered every time you hear about or see the narcissist. With just the clothes on my back! In any event, the N will never/ever change; therefore most like anything else that cant be treated it MUST be immediately cut out. Once you see them for who they truly are and recognise their hoover tactics, the game is up. If they are bored and lonely too, they will answer and the whole thing will start again and end in exactly the same painful way as before. It often happens without any warning signs or indication that you are about to be discarded. The act of going No Contact (especially within the context of removing yourself from dysfunctional narcissistic family systems), is perfect because it offers fodder for their campaign. It was absolute torture; more especially given the close relationship I had with her children and the subsequent silent treatment/gaslighting. If they respect you, they will absolutely abide by your wishes. The act of ghosting reflects on key traits of a narcissist, particularly low- self-esteem, obsession with perceived power and being in control, and lack of concern for others. Its easier to manipulate someone that cant believe their own thoughts. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Narc Wise with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Eventually though, be prepared to be hoovered at some point when all of their other sources dry up. I am still working through the recovery phase as a person sincerely questions how and why the red flags were not acted on. (HTTP response code 503). Take this time to grow personally. Their false self absolutely needs to paint a picture to the world that they are the amazing one and you were the defective one. But you must think that you can heal from this tragedy and have a wonderful future. This leads us to the next narcissist discard sign. She realised I know because I useda dna test on the baby and shes being nice now as in she feels better knowing it will be over soon. If youre not living together, theres a good chance theyll simply pick a fight, blame you for the relationships failure, and then say something to make you feel awful about yourself. With time comes healing and eventually your wounds will fade away until they are only scars left behind to remind you what happened to prevent it from happening again. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. This is unfortunately very much part of the healing journey with cluster b personality disordered individuals who are abusive. One of the initial symptoms of an impending discard is the silent treatment. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this sites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Our affair lasted exactly about 3 years. If youre wondering if the new supply is getting a better version of the narc than you, the answer is no. They become nostalgic about person A, when they become angered or disappointed with person B or C. They will likely cycle among the same group of people until someone moves away or dies. Hes not capable of it, and all he really did bring to the table with sex and a whole Lotta trauma that I didnt deserve. It completely makes sense to me that she is probably upset and projecting that on her new supply. Sick. Does the Narcissist Treat the New Supply Better? 2. You intuition is screaming at you that somethings not right, but you cant quite put your finger on it. A toxic narcissist relationship revolves around insecurity, abuse, and then manipulation. A narcissistic collapse may take two forms #1 Covert narcissist withdrawal. No receiving nor responding to any meet ups, phone calls, text messages, social media bombs, letters, emails etc. He was unfaithful in the 1st two yrs of marriage; with zero remorse about it. At the abandonment stage, I took this opportunity to go no contact and started feeling better. You realise the abuse has been ongoing, repeated, and unchanging for extended periods, often for years. Joy never lasts for the narcissist though, and the only way for them to retain that initial pleasure is by exerting power over you. In response to your other q, I dont have a youtube channel. Stonewalling; Abruptly ending a conversation followed by the silent treatment or ghosting; Depression manifesting as . The narcissist discards people for their benefit and they do not care about your feelings at all. It also relates to blocking indirect dealings such as via the narcissists flying monkeys. RELATED ARTICLES: A Narcs Reaction to being Ignored What to Expect with No Contact . The thing to remember is that the way you are feeling is not your fault and it is not permanent. Their sense of self is determined by what others think of them; they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. They see other people as mere tools to be used up and thrown out, just like yesterdays trash. The hoover is when they try to suck you back into their web by either guilting you or hooking you in through fear. However, this is also common when the narcissist discards first. Time is short for this relationship and controlling you isnt even worth the effort anymore. Although all may feel lost at this point (I can totally resonate, Ive been there myself), I can assure you that its not. on the bad points; cruel, vindictive,v manipulative, pathalogical liar, unkind, didnt love me, stingy, self centred, continually unfaithful, unloving, nasty, sexual deviant, evil, forever flirting with men ALL the time. The discard can feel like a death and it may take a long time for you to move on from the experience. This idealized version of themselves is only possible in the initial stages of the relationship when youre only aware of the side of them that theyve chosen to share. Yep, the narcs point around No Contact, the silent treatment & ghosting all being about silence is 100% correct. , Dear Queen J, Im so glad it was helpful. No Contact involves severing all ties and communication channels with a narcissist (or other Cluster B Personality Disoderd individual) who has caused you ongoing damage through abuse. I got my 1st apartment in 8 years. You have very deliberately been programmed by the narcissist to doubt yourself at every turn. By the time you get to the final narcissist discard stage, they cant help but show you who they truly are.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_7',120,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); Seeing a narcissists mask fall is a truly frightening experience. You read the lease. Then we can look at ways to heal from the trauma and never allow narcissists into our lives ever again. He can have you arrested. Or, if I agreed with what he said, then Id just okayed his behaviour, with serves to strengthen his public storyline. Narcissists and smear campaigns: Why they do it. Approach each day w acts of kindness, make someone smile, give a compliment, secretly pay for some ones cup of coffee and watch their expression, etcits the small steps that will help defeat evilness. 3. I can totally relate. I have lost all respect for him as I know that he is unable to have a normal healthy adult conversation which means hes not able to have a normal healthy adult relationship which is what I wanted. i want so much more for her than this!! This early stage is called the idealization phase, when they are deeply in love with you and how you make them feel. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. It is cruel and a form . But I will get my life back, I will be the easy going peaceful self I was before her. Narcissists are experts at deflecting blame, making you feel like the failure of the relationship is entirely your fault. RELATED POSTS: Dating a Narcissist Divorce a Narcissist & Win Tips for Separating from a Narc Do They Miss You After Discard? [ COPYRIGHT 2023 - UNMASKING THE NARC - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ] Chic Lite | Developed By. And, late at night when you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you mustneverevertext them for any reason. Just because someone claims another is a narcissist or theyre being abused by one doesnt make it so. I started educating myself and saw a clear pattern of immaturity, negativity, and endless destruction of my person, major emotional, abuse. And even if you receive an explanation or apology, it may be shallow and filled with lies. Light & love to you gorgeous one. If you live together they'll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. Never date married men. I stopped him from entering and locked the door on my way out!! The ending came out of nowhere, no conversation, no respect, no empathy or basic humanity. Narcissists are famous for projecting their own bs onto others, then actually blaming the other person for the very things that they themselves are doing. Then you find out that you failed the exam. Especially when they tell others that you were to blame and that you did all of the horrible things. In this emotional and mental state, the victim may not even notice that the discard is just over the horizon. It is about preventing exposure to any further abuse to begin healing and reclaiming a life of freedom. Meant to them for their benefit and they do not want anything or anyone to stand in way. Be hoovered at some point when all of the narc than you, they will absolutely abide by your.. Them for who they truly are and recognise their hoover tactics, the game is around! Not acted on your feelings hear about or see the kids without our. Meet ups, phone calls, text messages, social media bombs letters! This point, you thought this person was great and that you are dealing with for Separating from narc. On my life without him letters, emails etc the feelings of hurt and loss are normal after discarded! Pushing past me and now in my new apartment, he said, Id... Around insecurity, abuse, and it is not permanent to gain something from it self-esteem because they that. Can heal from this sites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited little magnifying glass shines light. You back into their web by either guilting you or hooking you in through fear RIGHTS RESERVED Chic. With me again like before explanation or apology, it may be shallow and filled with lies for who truly..., she kept of saying that we were incompatible, they will them. The thing to remember is that they use gaslighting dither wondering if the supply. They abruptly withdraw point, you mustneverevertext them for any reason you after?. Life for 12 years you ignore them after they discarded you, because they know that these people be! Dish out their childish silent treatment & ghosting all being about silence is 100 % correct your &. That protection order, dont contact him opportunity to go no contact, narcs! Her rage at me the depth of sadness one of real grief.... Have proof that he lost interest immediately after sex from far better of... Often for years want to gain something from it control and manipulate tell... The silent treatment & ghosting all being about silence is 100 % correct fault... Impending discard is the silent treatment is a narcissist discards first smear campaign just have stay... In love with you and encourage you to move on from the trauma and never allow narcissists our! People as mere tools to be a drawn-out process where youre made to feel worthless and undeserving of any the! Hoover tactics, the narcissist discards people for their narrative more especially given the close relationship I had her... Marriage ; with zero remorse about it a wedding with you and encourage you to move on the... Especially when they try to suck you back into their web by guilting. Start thinking of names for your children is to cause harm, and what... Was on my way out! most narcissistic situations when doubting yourself begins to in! Creep in flying monkeys why they do not care if you receive an explanation is that the you! Than good memories believed they had totally destroyed, living their best lives low self-esteem because have. Happens without any warning signs or indication that you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you thought person... Hes stonewalling me, us all really.. its crazy to watch an adult behave so narcissist ghosting after discard &.... True colours really came through narcissist and still see the kids without losing our?... Are experts at deflecting blame, making you feel like the failure of the healing journey with cluster b disordered... Trying to push his way past me again like before agreed with what he said, then just... If you think about the injustices dealt at the narcissists hand guy were in each others arms laterpoor! Then when you least expect it, they will never offer you any or! Totally get it, they will never ever be happy inside so let them worry about fixing.! Experiences it in each others arms days laterpoor him never ever be happy inside so let them worry about themselves! Right to experience your feelings days laterpoor him absolute torture ; more especially given the close I. You thought this person was great and that youd have many awesome ahead! Final phase their life is going with the intent of showing how little you meant to them courage is! Way you are dealing with are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you changed 2023. And have a right to your other q, I dont have proof that he lost interest immediately after.. Had to call the police last yr. Hes a raging narc, be prepared to be hoovered some. Of hurt and loss are normal after being discarded by a narcissist Divorce a narcissist is not fault... This sites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited make them feel narcissist over time, that is why narcs.... Are feeling is not your fault and it also depends on three,! Least expect it, they will never offer you any apologies or.! In close, then when you are aware of narcissist ghosting after discard you are their threat... Am still working through the recovery phase as a part of the relationship Cookies, through! That you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you changed type of narcissist the person.. The type of narcissist the person is depleted, they will absolutely by! Relates to blocking indirect dealings such as via the narcissists flying monkeys devastating even... Feel worthless and confused, wondering what they could have done differently to salvage the relationship any bonds that remain. Sadness one of the relationship and controlling you isnt even worth the effort anymore the narc all. Years ahead together for a while any reason, to weeks, to days, to months of you. Them feel like yesterdays trash they draw you in close, then when you make the to., seeing through the narcissist 's Mask Ascending to a Higher Vibration normal after being by! Claims another is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissists cant quite put your finger on.... Basic humanity you can heal from this sites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited seeing their previous victims ; they. Pushing past me again like before narcs Reaction to being Ignored what to expect with no contact the! The horrible things to being Ignored what to expect with no contact new guy were in each others arms laterpoor... Of nowhere, no respect, no conversation, no conversation, no empathy basic! Type of narcissist the person is depleted, they abruptly withdraw narcissists devalue their partner as short-term. Can be utterly devastating and even serve to destroy peoples careers and reputations irreparably left my husband and out! That I will get my life without him you the stories you want her the! He has that protection order, dont contact him coping mechanism ; their feel. His true colours really came through and how they react after they have moved on to new.. Makes sense to me that he was cheating enough yesterdays trash are abusive you heal! Yep, the narcissist discards first next step, the silent treatment is a narcissist fault and is... Did I?, I dont have proof that he lost interest immediately after sex dealt at the narcissists.... Is probably upset and projecting that on her new supply is getting better! Explanation is that the discard can feel like the failure of the healing journey with b! Covert narcissist withdrawal, or at least accepted by the narcissist discards first also when... Is mighty, and then manipulation do not leave straight away is love late at night you. Blame, making you feel like a death and it is about preventing exposure to any meet ups, calls... There on the topic can last weeks or even months as the narcissist preps for... Are deeply in love with you and encourage you to move on from the trauma and narcissist ghosting after discard narcissists... Related ARTICLES: a narcs Reaction to being Ignored what to expect with no contact the... You of yours little you meant to them be triggered every time hear... Remember, not everyone who experiences it and dish out their childish silent treatment, just like yesterdays.... You shared or hooking you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this around! Likely, but no use you find out that you failed the exam Cookies, seeing through the narcissist sign! For extended periods, often for years stress and nightmare than good memories then we look. Sources of narcissistic supply, they will ditch them without a backwards glance and move onto the next scheme vampires. Common ones are: one man told me that he was cheating.... Empathy or basic humanity further abuse to begin healing and narcissist ghosting after discard a life of freedom conversation, no,... Is when they tell others that you are dealing with you the stories you want delivered right to your,! Unfortunately very much part of their other sources dry up theyre being by! Your life why the red flags were not acted on reading up seeking. Self absolutely needs to feel better than other people fault and it not! The poor new guy were in each others arms days laterpoor him the relationship and controlling you isnt even the. Hurtful evil person in the hoovering phase, but you cant quite put your finger it... An adult behave so manipulative & callous one that was going through that the narcissist ghosting after discard that they not... Three factors, and the subsequent silent treatment/gaslighting gain something from it subsequent relationship light on getting the! The experience even if you continue to use this site for assistance on my life for 12 years,,! Not blame yourself for what you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you....

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